Dear Kindly Samuel Dimmick (Tune - Dear Officer Krupke: West Side Story)

This one was written entirely by Julian Dear Kindly Samuel Dimmick You really had it wrong You didn't run this place before Twas run by Richard Song He made all the speeches He vetoed our TV Golly Warden What a bastard he would be Dear Samuel Dimmick We're down on our knees We want to watch The Mavis Bramston Show if you please It can't hurt our morals Can't see how it could You've hand picked the freshers who are good They're all good, they're all good They're all much too good They're so bloody good they couldn't help with the play And now they want TV to pass time away Dear Kindly Samuel Dimmick You must stop Ken Coghill He's writing lots of cheques now And puts them on our bill Engagement ring and car He's bought with some of these Golly Warden He's put up all our fees Dear Samuel Dimmick We're down on our knees We all want a radical decrease in our fees It's not that we're misers This isn't a joke Each bloody one of us is broke We're all broke, we're all broke We have got no dough It's all down at Naughtons don't you know Dear Kindly Samuel Dimmick They're at it once again Those weak and sissy people Who say they're in great pain The toilet paper's much too hard Super Soft is what they seek Golly Warden Don't you think they've got a cheek … or two Dear Samuel Dimmick They're down on their knees (They say they can't sit down - they're a little sore) Some say there is a danger of a dreadful disease They say it's not funny Nor is it a farce Each one opines it hurts their … pride Oh they moan, oh they whinge They complain as well That this is not a GOOD HOTEL