Scum

In the Eighteenth Cent two gent resolved to have a duel Each wanted to send the other to Kingdom Come It is reported that the first may have called the other a fool But most definitely the second called the first chap scum They agreed to pistols at ten paces That failing to epees on the lawn Each wanted to bloody each others’ faces If that didn’t resolve it it would be cutlasses at dawn In the Long Room they both fired their pistols Or misfired because neither came near the other one at all It was later proved by detailed forensics That they wouldn’t have hit each other with a cannon ball So it was down to duelling with the epees But neither man was up for the fight In fact the only thing that happened was they both lost their toupees So the sound of sharpening cutlasses echoed through the night One man swung his cutlass and cut the others arm off Which deflected his cutlass skewering the first man through the chest There was more blood and gore than in a film with Boris Karloff And with the state of medicine then you can guess the rest They both bled to death and were buried facing bum to bum Both interred together in the very same grave Which just goes to show that calling somebody scum Is not a very wise way to behave