Little Old Lady | nosirrah

A little old lady in an old rust-bucket
Ran a red light and said, “Oh BEEP it
I knew I should have had that hip replaced”
She said to the cop who wrote her a ticket
'I know a place where you can stick it
I’d do it myself except I’m too BEEP-faced'

She got hauled up before the Sheriff
And said, 'Hey sonny I don’t care if
You give me a fine or sling me in the can
I wouldn’t ask you to share my billet
I doubt you’re big enough to fill it
I can tell by your thumbs you’re not my kind of man'

Asked if she wanted to call a lawyer
She said, 'I wouldn’t want to bore you
He’s so po-faced you’d think he was porcelain
The only man I’ve known so dreary
Is my late husband and I fear I
Would only want him back to bury him again'

The Judge was inclined to give her a caution
Until she said, 'Well I’m not sure son
That I can comply with any sort of bond
The Doc says that I’ve got a cancer
So in what time I’m left I plan sir
To try every vice so I’ll probably abscond'

The little old lady is free and kicking
The Judge didn’t think it worthwhile sticking
Such a feisty piece of womanhood away
When he remarked that dancing and dinner’s
An appropriate start for a novice sinner
She said, 'That’s the best offer that I’ve heard all day'

So that’s the story of the little old lady
Though her revolt was long delayed she
Made up for it in her own special way
And though it all played hell with her liver
She’s said to have said, 'Well I don’t give a
Flying BEEP - we’ve all got to die some day'